I really wanted to start being more consistent in blogging but that obviously hasn’t happened yet. I’m not sure if it will because, as the last post suggested, I am at home with punkin’ and don’t have a lot of extra time. People keep asking me if I am enjoying my time at home, and so far, I do. I’m trying to sit here and reflect on the things that I’ve learned, or maybe just some kind of insight that I’ve gained as a stay at home mom. And maybe it’s that I’m tired, or maybe it’s that my brain just doesn’t work anymore, or maybe I just haven’t learned anything, but I can’t come up with a dern thing. Maybe I can if I sit here long enough.
One thing I really have noticed is that I am grateful for night feedings. That sounds crazy because who wants to get up to feed, but one of the things I wanted to do with Ellie is breastfeed for 2 years, or until she self weans. The lactation consultants at GHS were adamant that 2 years was the recommended length of time by the WHO, but even then, many woman (not in America because it’s kind of taboo) feed until the children are much older. That being said, 2 years has been my goal. But if Ellie didn’t wake to feed at night, I don’t think my supply would keep up. She just has a hard time settling down enough to feed during the day. She wants to play, her teeth hurt, she’s going through a wonder week, whatever the case may be, she doesn’t want to eat. She sometimes will eat every 2 hours, she sometimes will wait 5 hours. Sometimes, she lets me know that she’s hungry, other times, I just say, well, it’s been 3 hours, let’s give it a try. She’s very busy… ugh… But I digress, she feeds anywhere from 2-5 times per night and thank goodness she does, because otherwise, I’d be drying up I think.
The most frustrated I get is when I think she should be napping and she doesn’t. It makes me really angry. And I just really cannot MAKE this child sleep. I know that are sleep training methods out there and while I will not judge those who choose them (it’d probably be a lot easier), I just simply cannot do it. So what does that mean? I have to weather the storm of her sleep evolution and sometimes, it straight pisses me off. (excuse me but it does). Most of the time, she naps 2-3 times a nap, anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours. If I wait long enough, she will easily close her eyes as we lay down and go to sleep. BUT, if she’s not tired, if it’s too early, or if she is going through one of the many stages that throws their normalcy off, teething, mental development, physical development, then it becomes a nightmare and I lose my patience. It makes me want to punch a wall, so if I can just accept the fact that she’s not going to sleep, then I will be okay. For example, on Sunday, she slept for 20 minutes early afternoon, and then 40 minutes early evening. Those were her naps. That’s it. I realize that she is developing so why does it make me so mad? Because trying to entertain a baby with a short attention span who is also clingy and wants you to help her walk for 12 FRIGGIN HOURS IN A DAY IS EXHAUSTING. That book, Go the F*** to sleep is something I think of often, thank you Samual L Jackson for your interpretation.
She’s beginning to grow out of her food intolerances, so I’ve started to loosen up on my diet. I’ve started eating a little bit of bread here and there, but I broke out once and my stomach has been hurting a bit, so Im probably not going to venture back to a full on gluten diet. I know that I can eat it in small doses, but full on going back would not be a good idea. I can always tell I haven’t been eating well because I start to feel yucky, and then I eat a smoothie with spinach and fruit, and I usually feel better. Interesting how having a baby has gotten me to the most healthiest place I’ve ever been in my life. Both physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Out of all of that complaining above, I say a prayer of gratitude every night because I’m able to spend this time with her. I’m completely happy doing what I’m doing and wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Now, if we would just win the lottery, we’d be set. 🙂